We talk a lot about harmful germs and nasty bacteria on this blog. It’s time to lighten the mood with a collection of some of the funniest dental jokes we could think of. It doesn’t have to be tooth-hurty because there’s never a wrong time for these jokes!
But first, here’s a dental quote that won’t leave you in a financial panic:
“I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
And now, let’s launch into our list of the best dental jokes we know. They’re sure to make you open wide and smile. So, brace yourself!
Jokes About Pulling Teeth
Sometimes trying to get a laugh can be like pulling teeth. So, let’s get warmed up first. Here are a few appetizers to sink your teeth into.
Dentist: “I’m sorry, honey. I can’t take you out on the town tonight.”
Dentist’s Wife: “And why not?!”
Dentist: “I’m already taking out a tooth!”
Teacher: “OK, class. If Johnny collects 15 Snickers bars for Halloween and eats 12 of them, what does he now have?”
Patient: “How much does it cost to have a tooth pulled?”
Patient: “That much just for a few minutes of work? That’s expensive!”
Dentist: “I could pull it out more slowly if you’d prefer.”
Dentist: “When did you last floss?”
Patient: “You tell me… you’re the one who did it.”
Patient: “Is this going to hurt, doc?”
Dentist: “Not at all. With this new ergonomic chair, I’m actually quite comfortable.”
OK, that was fun. But we’re just getting started. The following few sets will introduce you to Michael, Carol, and Timmy’s Mom. You may notice they’re having some trouble communicating. Don’t worry. Despite their poor oral hygiene, these jokes are all clean!
Michael went to see his dentist for a cleaning. The dentist said to him, “Your teeth are quite stained. Do you smoke or drink coffee?” Michael looked curiously at the dentist and replied, “I drink it, of course.”
Dentist: “Michael, I haven’t seen you in ten years. This is not good, Michael.”
Michael: “Is this the worst tooth decade you’ve ever seen, doc?”
Michael: “You know, this smile gets quite the attention from the ladies, doc.”
Dentist: “Oh, is that right?”
Michael: “Yeah, a woman just told me yesterday that seeing my smile made her want to invite me to her place.”
Dentist: “You mean for a date?”
Michael: “Well, no. She was a dentist.”
Carol was a woman suffering from anxiety. She told herself, “Right after my dentist appointment today, I’m finally going to get the help I need.” At the appointment, the dentist reclined her seat and said, “Alright, then. Open up.” Carol looked confused. “Um… OK,” she said. “I guess it all goes back to my relationship with my parents.”
Dentist: “Carol, we had you scheduled for a root canal recently, but you never showed up.”
Carol: “Sorry doc, I lost my nerve.”
Dentist: “Tell me, Carol. Do you have sensitive toothpaste at home?”
Carol: “We don’t really discuss feelings in my house.”
Timmy was in a cranky mood about his dentist appointment. When his mom told him it was time for the dentist to fill his cavity, he said some hurtful things about his dentist. “That’s enough,” said his mom. “You don’t talk about people that way, especially dentists.” “Especially dentists? But why?” Timmy asked. His mom replied, “Because dentists have fillings, too!”
Timmy: “At my last cleaning, he didn’t pay attention to anything I told him.”
Timmy’s Mom: “Are you saying he brushed you off?”
Timmy: “But that dentist always seems like he’s in a bad mood.”
Timmy’s Mom: “Oh, nonsense, Timmy. You’re just saying that because he always looks down in the mouth!”
If you’re not laughing by now, or at least rolling your eyes, we may be in trouble. We have one more section to go. But first, here is another dental quote for you:
“I was going to have my teeth whitened, but then I said… I’ll just get a tan instead.”
– Mitch Hedberg
Rapid Fire Q & A
Here are some quick Q & A jokes about dentists to keep in your back pocket for the next family cookout.
Q: What did the dentist say to Tiger Woods during his exam?
A: “You have a hole in one!”
Q: Why did the dentist and the manicurist not get along?
A: They fought tooth and nail.
Q: Why did the Buddhist refuse Novocain during his treatment?
A: He wanted to transcend dental medication.
Q: Where do dentists like to live when they retire?
Q: Why did the man refuse to browse for a set of dentures?
A: His parents always taught him not to pick his teeth in public!
Q: What do you call a bear that has had all his teeth pulled?
A: A gummy bear.
Q: What do you call a dentist that doesn’t like tea?
Q: What do dentists call the x-rays of their patients’ teeth?
A: Tooth pics.
Q: What kind of award goes to the Dentist of the Year?
A: A little plaque.
Q: What’s a dentist’s favorite dinosaur?
A: A Flossiraptor
Q: Why was the dentist fired from his job?
A: He wasn’t sensitive to his patients’ fillings.
Q: What did the dentist do when he was in the Army?
A: He was a drill sergeant!
Q: How did the dentist become a brain surgeon?
A: His drill slipped.
Thanks for checking out some of our favorite dental jokes. Feel free to use these with your friends and family. We don’t know about you, but our faces hurt. In a good way!
We put so much effort into keeping our teeth clean. You brush twice a day, you floss, you mouth wash, you even use a Bril to keep your toothbrush clean in between brushes. Why not show off those pearly whites with a big goofy grin? Besides, smiling makes everyone more attractive (it’s science). What’s not to love about that?
When it comes to dental hygiene, there’s a lot to take seriously. But we also believe a little humor can brighten your day. That’s our flossophy!